Third Time's The Charm
by WallFly
Summary: PAlex.  Takes place about six months after 'Love Is A Battlefield'.  Read to find out more.
1. Old Times

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex, Paige, or any characters in the Degrassi universe. If I did, they might be better written. Or not. Probably not.**

**A/N: Ok, so this is my attempt at a PAlex reconciliation story. Takes places about six months after the debacle of 'Love Is A Battlefield'.**

**Dedicated to the jackass writers and producers who broke continuity, and the hearts of countless fans, by disposing of the lovely entity that is / was PAlex in such a blasé, off-handed way. I mean, do you people even watch your own show?**

**Feel free to review. I do read them. But, in the end, what matters most is whether I like it. And I never like it.**

**The Fly sez: bzzzz.**

"Oh, ok. Well, thank you, anyway. Yes, I understand. No, no problem. Ok, well, please keep me in mind if anything opens up. Yes, ok. Right. Have a nice day." Paige Michalchuk closes her flip phone with a sigh. She stands in the middle of the sidewalk, barely conscious of the foot traffic of downtown Toronto parting and recombining around her. Another no. Third one today. What are these fashion houses looking for, anyway? Apparently not her. A tarnished golden girl, a college drop out whose entire fashion resume consists of one short internship.

She replays the conversation in her mind, for the hundredth time.

"I'm sorry, Paige," she mimics AHN-dre-ya's affected inflection. "But frankly, darling, you haven't shown me anything that would make me want to keep you on here. I'm just not sure you're meant for fashion."

Not meant for fashion. Paige has to admit, that hurt. She is starting to wonder what she was meant for. Certainly not college. And now, not her fallback position, either. As for "showing" AHN-dre-ya something, she had been at the, ahem, lady's beck and call, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for almost four months. Running errands, taking phone calls, steaming clothes, picking up her dry cleaning, taking her nasty little heel-nipper to the groomers. Just what more was she supposed to do to "show" her something? The job had cost her everything, including her girlfriend. Wasn't that enough?

For just the blink of an eye, Paige almost lets herself think about her. Alex. Just the name brings an immediate twinge of guilt, like a charlie horse in her heart. Paige closes her eyes and pushes the thought out of her head. Not today. She can't handle that, too. Not on top of the disappointment, the fear, the doubt. She has no job. She's surviving off "loans" from her parents, loans that she has no way of repaying, and maybe never will. She's still living with Marco and Ellie, silent witnesses to her decline.

This is what her perfect, planned life has become. Full scholarship to Banting, the "Harvard of the North", just like she'd always wanted. Burned up in the fire, along with her dorm room, along with her dreams. Now, she can't even find work as a gofer for some pretentious fashionista. And Alex… Damn it, no. Not that. Not now.

Then it happens. Her chest constricts. Her vision blurs. She can't breathe. The walls of the buildings start to wobble, leaning down, closing in on her from all sides. Her head spins. No, no, no. Not here, she pleads with it, silently. Not in the middle of the street. But the panic attack doesn't care, doesn't listen. They never do. Her desperation just increases the intensity.

Paige stumbles toward the nearest building, all but falls against it, stretching out a hand to catch herself on the rough concrete. She presses her back to the wall, for support. She closes her eyes, rubs her hands over her temples, and tries, with the last ounce of control in her panicked mind, to concentrate on slowing her breathing. She shuts out the noise, the intrusive presence of other people, people she's sure are staring as they pass. Nothing but her shallow breaths. She sucks at the air, trying to fill her deflated lungs. In. Out. In. Out. Fighting for rhythm. Fighting for life.

A short eternity later, her vision returns. Her breathing slows. Her heart stops imitating a jackhammer. She comes back to herself. She leans against the wall, feeling the remnants of the attack ebb out of her body. She looks up, notices a middle-aged man staring at her, with something that might or might not be concern. She offers him a smile, still one of her best assets. His eyes slowly move away.

She stands there, exhausted, building up the energy to thread her way back into the crowd. She needs to go home. There is nothing more she can do today.

As she sets off towards the bus stop, she sees her. Maybe twenty feet away, on the same side of the street. Tall figure; long, black hair cascading down her back. Long, black coat, unbuttoned against the unseasonable November warmth. Grey scarf trailing to her knees, flying around them with each step. Gliding through the crowd, with long, graceful strides, full of purpose.

Paige knows it can't really be her. What would she be doing here? But there aren't many people who look like her. Or walk like her. She knows it's not possible. But the familiarity of this person, this woman she knows almost better than herself, is undeniable. It can't be anyone else.

"Alex?" she calls over the crowd. "Alex!"

The woman doesn't react. Maybe she doesn't hear. Before she realizes what she's doing, Paige begins to trail her, slaloming between the loose waves of people cresting over the sidewalk.

"Alex!" she calls again, trying to catch up, beginning to fall behind. "Hey, Alex!"

Still no reaction. Paige is panting with the effort to keep up, reminding her just how out of shape she actually is. The woman is starting to pull away, further and further, disappearing into the crowd until Paige catches only disjointed glimpses, flashes of hair, coat, scarf, boots.

Then, some luck. The moving crowd falls out of synch with the traffic lights. The waves of humanity bunch up at a curb, waiting for the little green "Go" hand. The woman who might be Alex butts up against them, stops. Seeing her chance, Paige sprints, as best she can, dodging people as she goes, and finally closes the gap. She reaches out a hand, touches the woman's shoulder, causing her to turn around, quickly.

Deep brown eyes meet Paige's. A flash of recognition. Then, nothing.

"Alex." Paige fights to get her breath back. "Ummm…hi. It is you."

"Hello, Paige." Alex stares at her, coldly. So much for reunions. Still, Paige did not expect more. Their last parting does not lend itself to anything better. At least she's not pretending she doesn't know me, she thinks, ruefully.

"I…umm…didn't know you were in town." Paige puts on her most charming smile, twinkling for all she's worth. Alex used to like it when she smiled. She seems to have gotten over that.

"Well, I am." Alex looks somewhere over Paige's shoulder, disinterested.

"How long?"

Alex shrugs.

"Couple of months."

"Really." Paige keeps smiling. It's all she can think of to stave off this crushing hostility.

"That's great. What're you, ummm…doing with yourself, these days?"

"I'm going to school. Toronto University." Alex's eyes roam the street, avoiding Paige.

"Alex." Paige is genuinely pleased. "That's terrific."

"Sure. Terrific."

Her indifference tears at Paige, shreds her confidence. She refuses to give in.

"Umm," she says, a little uncertainly, staring at the tips of Alex's boots. "I'm thinking we should… you know, go somewhere…"

"What for?" Alex asks, coldly.

"Umm, you know…" This is not going well.

"To catch up? Or maybe talk about old times?" Alex's voice drips acid onto the pavement, eating holes in Paige's heart.

"Alex…" she says, softly.

"Sure. Why not? We have some great old times to talk about, don't we? Hey, Paige. Do you remember that time when you threw me out of your apartment? I sure do."

"Alex." Paige tries again. She even raises her eyes this time. She finds nothing but a hard, icy stare. She drops them again.

"What, you don't remember that one?"

"Alex, please don't be like this." Paige pleads, gently. Alex exhales sharply.

"I have nothing more to say to you, Paige." she says, with finality.

The light changes. The little green hand says it's safe to cross. Alex turns around and walks away, without a second look.

"Alex," Paige calls to her receding back. "Come on."

"Go to hell." Alex doesn't even turn around, just keeps walking. She leaves Paige behind, on the curb, watching her go, teeth digging into her lower lip, reflexively. Paige feels cold, and it has nothing to do with the temperature.


	2. The Way We Were

**Disclaimer: Alex is not mine. Paige is not mine. Degrassi is not mine. And Linda Schuyler can suck it.**

**A/N: This one's kind of a recap, my take on the historical relationship. Think of it as top moments in PAlex, WallFly style. A bit of background detail. And yes, I know you know all this already. Indulge me.**

**Hey, if reviews equal happiness, then make yourselves happy. I promise to read every word.**

"_Paige, I'm in trouble."_

A strange way to tell someone how you feel. But that was Alex all over. She always had her own way of doing things.

Paige sits on the couch in the apartment, reminiscing.

About her first day at the concession stand. She had been driven there by desperation, needing money, unable to find anything else. Dreading the time she would have to spend with her. Alex. The brooding, sour girl who always had something to say to her, to everyone. Cutting comments, vague threats. She was a walking attitude problem. Chip on her shoulder? More of a boulder.

About the time Spinner had gotten her fired, and Alex, unbidden, had put her job on the line to get Paige's back. She hadn't known what to make of it, then, this sudden gesture of generosity.

About the hours spent hanging out with her, while the movies ran, when there was nothing to do but sweep up spilled popcorn and wipe counters, sticky with syrup. Getting to know Alex. Realizing just how wrong she'd been about her. Seeing the inner Alex, the scared little girl that had been hurt too often by too many people to ever really trust anyone. And yet, they had drawn closer. Slowly, inch by painful inch, she had begun to trust Paige, to open up to Paige. Begun to show Paige that side of herself. The real Alex.

Paige never knew why, then. She only knew that she liked Alex, especially when they were alone together. Being friends, real friends with someone that no one else really knew was like some secret knowledge, a special bond.

And Alex was fun. She was observant, funny, in a caustic, snarky way. She made Paige laugh. She listened to Paige. She gave her advice. She didn't betray confidences. Soon, it became natural, simple. Paige forgot they had ever been anything but friends.

About the time she and Alex had gotten high at the college fair, and in a panic, before her interview with the Banting rep, she had yelled that Alex had no future. The sudden flash of pain she had seen in Alex's face, which had started her realizing just how sensitive, how gentle, Alex actually was, once she let you in, once you got past that tough outer shell. She had felt so bad about her words, after.

And about that night. The night that changed everything. Going with Alex to the movie premiere. Soaking in self-pity, she had said to Alex that this was the night everyone would get to see her cut from the movie. Alex had countered that this was the night she, Paige, would just enjoy being there, with Alex. Then Alex, untouchable Alex, had reached over and gently stroked a single strand of hair back off Paige's face. It was such a soft touch, such a tender gesture. Paige continued to feel Alex's fingertips on her scalp long after Alex had withdrawn her hand. The feeling had confused her.

Then, at the after party, dancing with Alex. Moving together, on the dance floor, their bodies pressed against each other. Hearing Alex defend her, telling that Neanderthal Jay Hogarth that he could never call Paige a skank. She had felt…something, then. Something more than friendship. Something she didn't want to know about. Something that scared her.

The rest of the night was a blur. Walking home with Alex. Seeing her pushed over the coffee table at her place during her Mom's fight with her boyfriend. The two of them rushing to Paige's house, to get away from the chaos.

Before, whenever she had looked into them, there was always something hard in Alex's eyes. They were clouded, guarded, as if she was looking out at the world from behind a shield. Even in their best moments, when they were joking, laughing, being close, there was always some reserve in them, some control. Like Alex was holding back.

But that night, when Alex had confessed her feelings, when Alex had kissed her, the shield was gone. She caught a glimpse of Alex's soul. Looking into those eyes, she had found them open, naked. Vulnerable. They were full of longing, full of need. And something else, something that shocked Paige. Fear. Please, Alex's eyes pleaded with her, soundlessly. Please don't reject me.

It was harder to say what was more unexpected: that she had not pulled back when she saw Alex's face coming toward hers, or her reaction to the kiss. She had kissed back. She had liked it. The warmth; the soft, gentle quality of it. Alex's lips massaging hers. Alex's tongue patiently caressing her lips, dipping into her mouth to meet Paige's. It was so different than kissing a guy. So different than she would have expected.

She had freaked out. Slept on the couch. Not really sleeping, just tossing and turning all night, reliving it, her mind in turmoil. But even then, in the midst of her confusion, she had already known what it would take her months, years to really admit, even to herself. She wanted this. She wanted Alex.

"_You always were the smart one, Paige."_

It hadn't been easy. Her fear nearly sabotaged them, again and again. Her life plan, carefully generated, faithfully executed, did not include this possibility. Paige liked girls. Well, at least, she liked Alex. Maybe more than liked. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with it.

Even after she had talked to Kevin Smith, even after she had decided she wanted to be with Alex, even after she had gone to Alex's apartment and apologized. Even then, it was hard. Dealing with the comments in the halls, the whispers as they passed, their arms around each other. People she had known her whole life, calling her lesbo, dyke, rug muncher. Talking about how she'd been straight, and Alex had "turned" her.

It seemed to bother some people especially because it was her. Paige. The captain of the spirit squad. The straight A student. Miss Popularity. Openly dating another girl.

Hazel Aiden, her sidekick for her entire high school career, had nearly lost her mind over it. One minute, she was berating Paige for going lez, and "with a freak like Alex Nunez". The next, she wanted to know if Paige had "gone all the way", and what it was like.

She couldn't answer the question, then. At what point were you "all the way" with a girl, anyway. They had started out just making out, progressed to other things. Maybe she was in denial, but, well, it never really felt like sex to Paige. It felt good. Better than good. Better than Spinner. Better than Matt. Definitely better than Dean.

But sex? To her, it was like having a real close friend, a friend that you could make out with when you wanted to. And more. She had thought, initially, that maybe Alex would be aggressive, rough, like a guy. She was wrong. Alex was gentle, patient, kind. Intent on her pleasure before her own. She'd been the most considerate lover Paige had ever had. Years later, she still was.

A month or so into it, Alex had first used the 'L' word. Not love. Lesbian. She confessed that she thought she might be one, that she felt like she'd been looking for something all her life, with every boyfriend she had, and had finally found it with Paige. Paige distinctly remembered a moment of revulsion at the thought. Until she realized that, technically, she, too, was a lesbian. At least a part-time one. She did everything Alex did, things she'd never even considered. And she enjoyed it, both sides, giving and receiving. More than she'd ever expected to.

Her parents had taken the whole thing a bit hard, her mother especially. There weren't arguments, exactly, but she had to spend time reassuring them that she wasn't giving up men, she was just with Alex right now. Eventually, they accepted it, writing it off to teenage experimentation. If Paige thought about it at all, she had to admit that's what she thought, too.

When Alex broke up with her, the pain was shockingly sudden and intense. She didn't feel like the smart one. Up until then, Paige never really thought about her feelings much. She cared about Alex. Alex was fun to be with. It was a kick. She enjoyed her company, and she liked the things they did together, but it wasn't that serious. Then, suddenly, Alex was gone. And maybe it was that serious. Yet another glitch in her master life plan. Perfect Paige, maybe in love with a girl.

That was really what had driven her into Spinner's arms. The need to prove to herself that she wasn't like Alex, wasn't a lesbian. Spinner was familiar, comfortable. Male. And it had been good. To her relief, she found she still liked him, still liked guys. He had tried harder, been better than she'd remembered. Her pleasure with him was reassuring, centering. But, afterward, she had to admit something to herself. Spinner was nice, and Spinner was sweet. But the connection just wasn't there. Spinner wasn't Alex.

"_Because I love you, you idiot!"_

Sometimes, Paige wonders if things would've been different if Alex had come with her to Banting. She could've really used her there. The sadness she felt sitting alone in her dorm room at night wasn't just home sickness. It was Alex sickness.

Yet, even then, even in her own mind, she missed Alex first and foremost as a friend. It wasn't that she didn't acknowledge they had been lovers. But, well, she kept telling herself that it wasn't the point. She wanted Alex for her friendship. The sex was just another level of closeness, something they did sometimes. Something that didn't need to be there.

Only…it was. Late at night, with the lights off, she would remember Alex, moving against her in the heat of passion. She would remember the depth, the intensity of being with her. She felt a little guilty about these feelings, but they were still there.

After her flameout, it had been so nice, just being around Alex again. It didn't matter what they were. When Alex began dating Carla, Paige felt a jealous pang or two. But, at the same time, it absolved her from having to think too much about her own feelings. Alex was taken. They could just be friends.

But she still felt the pull, when they were together. The desire to kiss her, to touch her. It was confusing, and she sometimes gave in to it, which made it worse.

Then, when Alex told her she loved her, it all just spilled over at once. In all the time they had dated, they had never used the word with each other. Neither one would have been comfortable with it.

But the first time, they were just youngsters, playing around, fumbling with emotions. This time, they were older, and it meant something. And now, there it was, spoken between them. Love. Caught up in the emotion of the moment, she had been about to admit that she loved Alex, too. It was half out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying, chickened out, cut it off.

Because she couldn't love Alex. She couldn't love a girl. Even the new Paige, whose fast train to success had come so spectacularly off the tracks, even this version of Paige wasn't "like that". Alex was nice, and Alex was cute, and Alex was sexy, and maybe the new Paige could even have sex with Alex without feeling too much guilt, afterward. But love? That was just too much.

There was still one problem, however. She did love Alex. A lot. More than she could remember loving anyone. And that just made it all harder.

When she decided to try dating Alex again, to see just how far her feelings would take her, even then, she had to admit that it was still hard to talk about, hard to think about. When Alex had used the word "bisexual", it had felt like an insult, like being called a leper. Paige wasn't bi. She liked guys. And Alex. And, well, Alex was a girl. But that didn't make Paige bi. Did it? Or did it?

Paige decided it didn't matter. She wanted to be with Alex. Alex could have been a llama for all she cared. And if other people wanted to put a label on it, that was their business. Paige's label was "sweetheart", and she was ok with that. Now if she could just tell her mother she was back with Alex, everything might work out. Or not.

"_I have nothing. Please. Help me."_

Paige had known why Alex was stripping, of course. Her mind understood where it came from, the desperation of the world Alex and her Mom lived in, on the brink of homelessness from one week to the next. But her heart was another matter.

When Paige realized just how much it really hurt her to see Alex up there, exposing herself to the eyes of horny, middle-aged men for money, it drove home the fact that she was in love, this time for real. But love always comes with ten levels of pain, and Paige began to wonder whether this was actually a good thing. When Alex refused to quit, it had been more than Paige could handle.

Until the dance. Seeing Alex there. Not tough girl Alex, not hard case Alex. Soft Alex. Gentle Alex. Her Alex. Apologizing. Swallowing her pride. Asking, even begging for her help. For that one moment, Paige had never loved anyone more. To hear the quiver of fear in her voice when she said that letting Paige go would be the biggest mistake of her life. How could she resist that? How could anyone? Paige wishes she could have just held on to that feeling, forever. She wishes she could have kept the memory of the moment as a buffer against the future. How easy it is to forget why you love someone.

"_You make it sound like cough syrup."_

Even in defeat, Alex was funny. She always knew just the right thing to say to make Paige laugh. Only, Paige hadn't laughed. She hadn't felt bad, then, either. Or after. She hadn't, in fact, felt anything, for a long time.

Having Alex that close reminded her of some of the things she didn't like so much about her. As sweet as Alex could be, she was also unreliable, and lazy, and opinionated. And sometimes Paige wondered what they actually had in common, other than their feelings for each other.

At the time, she didn't think twice about it. After the scene at the fashion show, there was just nothing else that could be done. It was not going to work between them, then, or ever. The love was there, and the sex was great, better than it had been the first time, even. But they were just too different, wired up in ways that were completely incompatible. It was sad, but it had to be.

It was months before she even thought about it again. Maybe it had taken losing her job.

Or maybe it was when she looked at the big hole in her life, the one that kept her from ever really feeling happy, and noticed that it was shaped just like Alex Nunez.

Regardless. Eventually, there was a sleepless night, spent eating an entire pint of ice cream. Simultaneously calculating just how many diet sodas and salads it would take to offset the calories. And Paige began to realize something.

It wasn't Alex's flakiness, or her moralizing, or the fact that she was not going in any specific direction that Paige could see. No, it was something totally different. Alex was living with her. Right there. In her room, in her bed. In her life. It wasn't fun anymore, wasn't a game they played. They were in an honest-to-God relationship. She was in love with another woman. Marco had even made some off-handed joke about how Paige was now in the right industry for that sort of thing. But it was too much for Paige.

Paige had always been good at burying her feelings, at pretending that things that were too icky for her simply weren't there. The problem was that, sooner or later, those same things would pop up again, and usually in ways and places that were not constructive. Her and Alex this close was one such thing. Too much like Dylan and Marco. Too far from her life plan.

Maybe that plan had been through a few revisions. But now, it was back in place. She would be making something of her life. And, well, that something did not include Paige coming home to someone of the same gender. Alex's behavior was an excuse, and Paige jumped on it, ran with it.

Well, she had made something of her life. She had made what she always seemed to make, anymore: a mess. Now she had no job. She had hurt someone she loved, in a very selfish way. She missed Alex. And she had no way to tell her, no way to make up for it. No way to apologize. No way to even find her.

Ever since that night, every time she thought of Alex, it started a whole chain of thoughts. Bad thoughts. Thoughts that made her feel like the sort of person other people sometimes accused her of being. Vain. Selfish. Empty headed.

Alex had always been there for her. But when it was Paige's turn, she had simply bailed out at the earliest opportunity, leaving her friend, her lover, to fend for herself. The same as everyone else had always done. She was no better than Alex's mother.

And now, after today, she realizes, maybe there really is no way back. Maybe she really can't ever atone for what she's done. The look in Alex's eyes, the way she had acted.

Paige has become nothing to Alex. Just a face in the crowd. Closed off from the inner Alex, the real Alex, her Alex. Forever.


	3. You're So Bad

**Disclaimer: You already know I didn't come up with Degrassi, Paige, Alex, Ellie, Marco, or the partridge in the pear tree.**

**A/N: I suppose I should actually be grateful to the idiots who wrote "Battlefield". They got me aggravated, and that broke me out of my writer's block, at least temporarily. Here's Chapter 3. If you're still reading, you're easily amused and / or hard to bore. Either way, enjoy.**

**Reviews welcome. I know it sucks, but feel free to tell me anyway.**

"Paige? Hey, Paige!"

Someone is talking to her. Has been, for some time. Waving a hand in front of her face.

Paige comes out of her reverie, blinking, staring up into the face of Ellie Nash.

"Oh. Hi, El…" she says, still coming back to Earth. "I didn't hear you come home."

Ellie snorts.

"I guess not. I've been trying to get your attention for like five minutes." She sits down on the couch, next to Paige. "Where were you?"

Paige sighs, shakes her head slightly, trying to clear it.

"Oh, you know. Just thinking."

Ellie gives her a strange look. Like it's out of place for Paige to be lost in her thoughts, or something.

"Paige, is everything ok?" she asks.

Well is it?

"Yeah, sure." Paige tries to sound cheerful, fails. "Not really. I don't know."

Ellie shifts closer, still watching her.

"What's wrong, Paige?"

Paige thinks it over. They have a history, too. They'd been enemies once, more or less. Until the day she caught Ellie cutting herself in the school bathroom, made her get help. Now they're friends. Roommates. They know each other pretty well. But they're not as close as they used to be. Ellie is quiet, private. She tends to hold grudges, keep secrets, stew. They had a, well, not a fight, exactly, but a "friendly disagreement" when Paige briefly dated Ellie's ex, Jesse.

Oh, and Ellie is Alex's friend. For a lot longer than she has been Paige's friend. For a lot longer than Paige has been Alex's friend.

Ellie knows about their relationship, of course. The first time, it was all over Degrassi. The second, she was living here. They even went out together. And then, there were the sounds, coming out of Paige's bedroom some nights. Ellie isn't one to miss something like that.

But, despite this, they have never talked about it. Ellie kept whatever opinions she may have had about them to herself, a silent observer, as usual. She never said anything to Paige, or, as far as she knows, Alex.

But Paige needs to talk to someone. She needs a friend. And Ellie elected herself by asking.

"You'll never guess," she begins, airily, "who I saw downtown today."

She looks at Ellie, waiting. Ellie shakes her head, uncertainly.

"Who?"

Paige waits an extra second, increasing the suspense.

"Alex Nunez."

Something unreadable flickers behind Ellie's eyes.

"Oh." she says.

"Yeah. Apparently, she's back in town. Going to University." she looks at Ellie, trying to gauge her reaction. There isn't one. "Aaaand… apparently, she's decided she doesn't ever want to talk to me again."

Ellie makes a non-committal noise. Paige barely notices. She's on a roll.

"El, you should've seen it." Paige gets up from the couch, walks toward the window. She stands, looking out at the neighborhood rooftops, replaying her encounter with Alex in her mind. The bitterness wells up inside her. "It was ugly. We were like…Well, it was like it used to be. Back in high school. Before, you know…" 

Ellie clears her throat.

"Well, I mean, do you blame her?" she asks. "After the last time, with you guys, maybe she feels like she has a right to be angry with you, you know?"

Something about the way she says it makes Paige turn around, look at her closely. Ellie looks at the floor, her hands at her sides. She stares at Ellie, dumbfounded, as a realization slowly seeps into her brain. She's always been a little slow on the uptake.

"Wait a minute." she says, measuring her words. "You knew? You knew she was here? And you didn't tell me?"

Ellie squirms a little.

"I didn't think you'd want to see her." she says, softly. "And anyway. She asked me not to tell you."

The words reverberate in Paige's ears. She asked me not to tell you. She asked me. She walks back to the couch and sits down, heavily, under their weight.

"Oh."

Ellie sighs.

"Look, Paige." she says, leaning forward, slightly. "You two are just…well, you're bad for each other. Every time you get together, one of you gets hurt. And usually, it's Alex."

Paige wants to say that it's unfair, that she's been hurt just as much. But she can't. She knows it's not true.

"She has…a lot of… feelings, for you." Ellie continues, in that same soft, careful voice. "And, well…I'm just not always sure that you feel as much for her as she does for you."

Paige looks down at her hands, entwined in her lap. She doesn't want to hear this. Doesn't want to believe it. Ellie's voice is gentle, but her words scream at Paige. Hammer at her, hard, all the more because she might be right.

Something occurs to Paige.

"Ellie…" she says, without looking up. "Do you…know where she is?" 

Ellie is silent for what feels like a long time.

"Yes." she says, finally.

Paige chews her lip, thinking, considering, measuring her words. She wants to ask. She doesn't want to ask. Ellie reads her mind.

"Forget it, Paige. I'm not telling you."

"Ellie…"

"No." Ellie stands up. "Look. Paige. She's got her life back on track now. The best thing you can do for her is just to…leave her alone."

Paige looks up for a second, startled. Again, she wants to object. And again, she can't think of an objection that would sound convincing, even to her. She looks down. She know Ellie's right. Which doesn't make it any easier to hear it.

Ellie stops for a second on her way out, leaning on the doorframe.

"I'm sorry, Paige." she says, softly. Then she's gone, leaving Paige alone with her thoughts.


	4. Where Are You Now

**Disclaimer: None of the characters portrayed herein are the property of the author. Except the receptionist. She's all mine.**

**A/N: Kind of an interlude. Yes, I know, this is very unlikely. (At least I hope it wouldn't be this easy to get someone's address. Stalker city.) It's a plot device. I need Paige to find Alex. Just go with it.**

**If reviews are your thing, I am listen-ing. (Ha. Ha ha. Ha.)**

The sign on the door says "Student Services". It said that the last twenty times Paige looked at it, and it's not likely to say anything else any time soon.

She stands in front of the door, trying to work up the courage to enter. What is she doing here? This is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.

Paige takes a deep breath. She needs to play this very carefully, if it's to have any chance of succeeding. She goes in.

The place is nearly empty. The bored woman behind the receptionist desk eyes her without enthusiasm. Paige composes herself and pulls out one of her award-winning smiles. Think cute, Paigey.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asks.

Yes, I'd like you to give me my ex-girlfriend's home address, so I can stalk her, please.

"Yes." Paige replies, slowly. "I was wondering if I could get some information about a student?"

"What sort of information?"

"Ummm…her address."

Paige fidgets under the woman's suspicious eyes.

"I'm sorry, we can't give out that information."

Okay, Paige. It's show time.

"Ok." Paige turns up the charm. "This is gonna be kind of complicated. You see, I'm an old friend of hers."

"An old friend?" the woman repeats. Paige nods.

"But you don't know where she lives?"

"Right." Paige smiles wider. Endearingly. She hopes. "Like I said, it's complicated. I…we haven't seen each other in a long time. I just got back into town, and I found out she's not living with her mother anymore."

Well, it's not a lie. At least, not completely.

"Don't you have her phone number?" the woman prompts.

"Yeah, see, the only phone number I have is at her mother's house."

"How about her cell phone?"

"No." bring it in, Paige. "Like I said, it's, ah…been a long time."

Paige keeps looking at her. Projecting. Come on, you can trust me. I'm Perfect Paige. I'm just sweet and cuddly all over.

"And her mother couldn't tell you where she's staying?"

Paige shakes her head.

"They aren't speaking with each other. Haven't, for a while."

The woman is staring at her. Paige is actually surprised she got this far.

"Have you talked to her friends? Anyone who might know her?"

Paige pouts, theatrically.

"Nobody I know has any idea where she is. All they could tell me is she's going here. I'm sure she has new friends, but I don't know who they are." She focuses all her energy on the woman. "Can't you please bend the rules? Just this one time? I'm only in town for a few days, and I'd really like to see her. Please?"

She holds the petulant little girl pose for as long as she can. She sees the woman's eyes flicker down to her desk, hears her exhale.

"What's the name?"

Yes. You go, Paige.

"Alex Nunez. N-U-N-E-Z." she is careful not to betray her pleasure.

The woman hesitates for another second.

"I really shouldn't do this." she says.

"I won't tell anyone." Paige bites down on her nervousness. "I promise."

The woman sighs, starts tapping the keys on her terminal.

"Nunez. Nunez. Ok. Here it is."


	5. Talk To Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own Paige, or Alex. But man, I wish they were real sometimes. I know. Sad.**

**A/N: OK. So, this is the meat of the thing. A bit o' drama, a bit o' angst. Something for everyone, really. I just love when these two get to fighting. They fight better than any other TV couple. Alex usually kicks Paige's ass, too. Must drive her crazy.**

**If it pleases you, then review away.**

Paige stands at the top of the stairwell, staring at the solid black door down below. She keeps reminding herself to breathe normally, but she's not listening to herself again. She really needs to work on that.

She looks at the small scrap of paper in her hand, for the tenth time. Yup. Apartment #3. Maybe… Maybe she should just let this go, just do what Ellie says and leave it alone. She's done more than her share of damage already. Is this going to really help anything?

She brushes the thought aside. Enough of that. She's come this far. She just wants to see her, talk to her. Just one time. Clear the air. Apologize. Then…

Yeah. Then what? After the last time, there is little chance of a then. Paige bites down on the pain. It doesn't matter. She needs to do this. She takes a deep breath. Here she goes.

She walks down the stairs, purposefully, trying to feel as determined as she looks. She stops in front of the door, raises her hand, balls it up into a fist, and… Drops it, turns around and walks back toward the stairs. Stops. Closes her eyes. Takes a few deep breaths. Turns back. Walks back toward the door, then stops and stands there for a long moment, staring at the door. Exhales. Makes a fist, and knocks on it, with more force than she intended. The noise startles her. Yeah, way to go, Paige. Just bang her door down, why don't you.

She stands, waiting. Maybe she should knock again. Would that be too soon? Would it make her sound pushy, desperate? What if Alex isn't home? Maybe she should just forget the whole thing, find a nice place to have a latte…

The door opens partway. Alex's face peeks out. Her eyes fall on Paige. For a moment, there is genuine shock in them. Then, they turn cold.

"Paige." Her name sounds like something distasteful on Alex's lips. Like 'bug', or 'shit'. Paige feels her faculties leave her all at once, flying up the stairway and unto the street, the way she wishes she could.

"Hi." she says, feeling stupid. "Ummm…" That's all she has.

Alex's unfriendly stare does nothing to help the situation.

"How did you find me?" she asks. "Did Ellie…" 

"No!" Paige breaks in, quickly. "I mean, I'm way mad at her for not telling me you were back in the first place. But she wouldn't tell me where you were, when I asked her."

"Then how?"

Paige can't resist a grin.

"I got this lady at the student office to tell me. Clever, huh?"

Her ingenuity fails to impress Alex.

"What do you want, Paige?"

Paige lowers her eyes, fighting to hold on to her certainty.

"Ummm...I was hoping we could...talk?" she raises her face to Alex's on the last word, sees nothing good there.

"I already told you, we have nothing to talk about." Alex is speaking slowly and calmly, as if Paige is a child, and not a very bright one at that.

In truth, Paige didn't expect anything else. But she's not ready to give in.

"Alex." she says, quietly, sincerely. "Please."

The word hangs in the air between them. She sees the cold stare waver. She holds her breath.

Alex sighs. She runs her hand through her long, black hair. She turns sideways, and motions for Paige to enter. Paige lets her breath out. She brushes past Alex, elated, terrified.

Inside, the apartment is small and dark, but still nicer than any place Alex has lived, at least since Paige has known her. She walks a few paces in, turns around to look at Alex, her hands at her sides. She considers, and rejects, several possible openings. Alex closes the door and waits, watching her, impassive.

"Ok, well," Paige says, finally, when she can no longer stand the silence. "First of all, I want to say I'm...sorry about what happened...last time..."

Alex snorts, derisively.

"Oh. Well, that just makes it all better, doesn't it?"

Paige looks at her, imploring.

"Alex…"

Alex stares back, stonily.

"Paige. You put me OUT on the STREET!"

Paige lowers her eyes, nods.

"Ok. So maybe that wasn't the best way to handle it."

"You THINK?!" Alex pounces all over it.

Ok. This is going well.

"That's not what you said at the time." Alex says, bitterly. "Let's see. How DID you put it, so eloquently? Oh yeah. 'I know this is the right thing to do.' That's what you said. Right?"

The mockery in her voice makes Paige cringe. Damn it. Paige can feel the words, the tone digging at her. Alex always could push her buttons.

"Alex, look, I mean," she says carefully. "You were kind of...asking for it..."

Alex says nothing.

"And...I mean...it's not like you had nowhere to go…"

Nothing.

"Your mother's cousin..."

Still nothing. Alex just stares at her, until Paige can't take it.

"What?"

"My mother doesn't have cousins, Paige." Alex says, calmly. "At least none that I know about."

Paige stares at Alex, open-mouthed, struggling for comprehension.

"Then...were did you...?"

A bitter smile.

"Where do you think?"

Paige's face flushes. She needs to sit down.

"Oh…my God. Alex, why didn't you say something?"

Alex shrugs.

"Would it have made a difference?"

"Of course." Paige stares, incredulous. "Are you kidding? I would've never made you leave if I knew you had no place to go."

Alex's eyes flash hurt at her.

"Maybe it hurt too much for me to tell you. Maybe I didn't want your pity."

She walks past Paige, towards the back of the apartment. Paige stands there, staring at the space where Alex had been, feeling helpless. Then follows her.

"Alex, " she pleads with Alex's hunched back. "I...I didn't know."

"Well," Alex doesn't turn around. "Now you do. Happy?"

Paige sighs. She shakes her head, realizes Alex can't see it.

"No." she says. "Sad. Very, very sad."

Alex doesn't say anything for a minute. When she does, her voice is noticeably softer.

"Look. It's over and done with. Ancient history."

Paige feels heavy, all of a sudden. Too heavy to stand up anymore. She plops herself on the edge of Alex's couch, staring at her feet.

"I'm really sorry, Alex."

Alex turns halfway toward her, standing in profile.

"Yeah, well." she says, grudgingly. "Maybe it wasn't all you. Maybe I did have it coming. I mean, I did flake out on you. And...maybe I could've tried harder to find something, instead of just taking up space in your bed."

Paige smiles, absently.

"That part was ok. You in my bed, I mean."

Startled, Alex turns to her, full on, staring, then walks back toward the front door, shaking her head in disbelief. Paige watches her, confused.

"Alex? Come on. It was a joke."

Alex looks at her, over her shoulder.

"Well, it wasn't funny."

"Sorry." Paige mumbles, lowering her eyes.

Alex turns back around, her arms folded across her chest.

"I mean, seriously, Paige." she says. "You should've seen yourself. It was like, everything you'd been through for the last couple of years, it all just disappeared, like that! You were right back to that shallow, self-centered bitch that you used to be."

Paige looks up at this, stung.

"That's not fair. " she says, petulantly. Alex shrugs.

"I'm just telling you what I saw. It wasn't like you. At least not the Paige that I know. But then, maybe I don't really know you."

Paige hates when she does this. Throwing in seemingly off-handed little remarks, designed to defuse her reaction. But then, Alex is the only other person she knows that can fight as well, as dirty, as she can. Their fights have always been epic.

Still, as much as she doesn't want to give Alex the satisfaction, the words get under her skin.

"Don't say that." she says, softly. "You know me better than anybody."

Alex sighs.

"I'm not so sure. I just...watched you become this little fashion doll, this caricature, and I couldn't figure out how to reach you. How to get you to even talk to me."

"Maybe that stuff really matters to me." Paige says, a little tightly. "Did you ever think of that? Maybe it's important to me. Even if you don't understand it."

Alex yields.

"Yeah, well," she says, softly. "Maybe I was jealous. Maybe I was, I don't know, acting out. Trying to get you to pay a little attention to me."

Paige looks at her. Honestly, she'd never even considered this. Alex won't look back.

"Anyway." Paige says, dully. "It's not important now. I'm out of that place. My internship ended, and they didn't offer me a job."

This jolts Alex. She looks at Paige, with a strange expression.

"Yup. Apparently, I'm no good at fashion, either." Paige decides to try playing the sympathy card. "Are you happy?"

Alex slowly shakes her head.

"Now I get it." she says.

"Get what?" Paige asks, startled.

Alex waves her hand, vaguely.

"This. This little visit of yours. Now it makes some sense."

Whatever Alex is thinking, Paige is pretty sure she doesn't like it.

"What do you mean?"

Alex's eyes fill with something mean, ugly.

"Come on, Paige." she says, all bitterness. "Face it. I'm your safety valve. Whenever you feel down, low, not sure about yourself, you come to me. Cry on my shoulder, hang out with me, go to bed with me. Then as soon as you feel better, it's bye-bye Alex."

For a second, Paige just sits there, stunned and silent. Her eyes search Alex's face. Is this really how you see me?, they ask. Is this really what you think? Then, her indignation boils over. She finds her voice.

"I do NOT do that!" she says, adamant, defensive. Angry.

Alex is unfazed.

"Yeah, you do. That's all you're after. A friend with benefits." Her expression is smug, daring Paige to deny it.

Paige feels her throat tighten. She gets up from the couch. The hurt is blinding.

"I…I…" she stutters. "I can't believe what's worse: that you said that, or that you believe it."

Alex's laugh is harsh. Nasty.

"Believe it? I'm living it, Paigey." she says, her voice dripping with derision. Then her face hardens, visibly. "But not this time." she adds, bleakly determined. "Not again."

Despite herself, Paige feels an unwelcome, unneeded touch, a taste of doubt. What if it's true?

"Alex..." she whispers, hopelessly.

Alex presses on.

"That is why you're here, isn't it? To give me some sob story, have a little make-up sex, play around with my head some, then find another reason to drop me." It's not really a question.

"No!" Paige says, emphatically, taking a step towards her. Alex doesn't flinch.

"Ok." Paige admits. "I DO miss you."

Alex snorts.

"I do. I'm sorry, I can't help it. You're my best friend. You are. And I miss that. And..." she sighs, "Even though it's still confusing for me, I miss you as my...sweetheart..."

"The WORD is GIRLFRIEND, Paige." Alex says, exasperated. Paige lowers her eyes.

"I know."

Alex rubs at her arms, reflexively. She walks away, stands in the window. Paige comes up behind her, puts a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, Lexi." she coaxes, gently. "Tell me you don't miss me. At least a little."

Alex whirls on her with astounding force, her arm knocking Paige's hand away. Paige stares at her, startled.

"You bitch." Alex spits out, low and venomous. "You unbelievable, self-centered little bitch."

"Alex, what…?" Paige fumbles for a response, blinking.

Alex turns back to the window, shaking her head. Her voice is so full of pain that it tugs at Paige's heart.

"You know how I feel about you. For God's sake, I told you what this meant to me. What you meant. And yet, here you are, messing with me again. And you don't even realize you're doing it."

Paige feels an overwhelming urge to touch her, to massage away her hurt. She raises her hand towards Alex again, lowers it.

"Alex..."

Alex turns back to her, her eyes angry.

"How many TIMES, Paige? How many times do you think I'll fall for this crap? Do you really think you can just keep getting me to open up to you, then walking away? Do you really think I'm THAT dumb?"

Paige recoils from the empty hurt in Alex's voice.

"Alex," she says, softly. "Come on."

Alex shakes her off.

"No way." she says, stiffly, more to herself than to Paige. "No frigging way. Not this time."

It's too much for Paige. She feels her face fall. She was right. This was a very bad idea. She turns for the door, start walking, her chest tight, her eyes flooding. She just hopes she can make it outside before the tears start.


	6. You Take The Good, You Take The Bad

**Disclaimer: Ok, so the characters aren't mine. I'm borrowing them because my imagination is so dry and cracked. It could really use some chap stick.**

**A/N: Part 5 was all angst and nastiness. So, this one is soft and squishy, most of the way. Also, Paige kind of took a beating up to now, so I thought we need reminding that it's not all Alex giving and Paige taking. There's some reciprocity. (I love big words.) And yes, I've always wished that Paige would just go ahead and apologize to Alex. Bear with me. It's almost over. **

**I like reviews, you like reviews, everyone likes reviews. **

Paige sits on the stairway to the first floor, outside Alex's apartment, staring at the storm drain that edges the street. She hugs herself, feeling empty, alone. She refuses to cry. Refuses to.

She hears Alex's door slam, below her. She hears slow, deliberate footsteps on the stairs. Alex crosses over in front of her, sits down to her left. Without looking at her. Without saying a word.

Paige can feel her, there, close enough to touch. They sit together, silent, uncomfortable. Paige knows she should leave, but can't bring herself to do it.

"Lex," she breaks the silence, finally, her voice plaintive. "It wasn't all bad. Us, I mean." She turns to Alex. "Was it?"

Alex's eyes are on the asphalt. She sighs, heavily.

"No." she admits. "Not all of it."

She looks over at Paige. Paige basks in the undeserved softness of her gaze.

"You can be really sweet." Alex continues. "When you want to be. And fun. And then, sometimes, you are just so helpless, and, well...I always liked being able to help you, do things for you."

Her voice is gentle, murmuring, her eyes far away. Paige eats it up. She wants nothing more than to be here, now. With her.

"I like the way you laugh." Alex smiles, sincerely, for the first time. "And you are just… so beautiful."

Her hand reaches over, musses Paige's hair, delicately, just around the edge, not quite touching it.

"And," she adds, "You did help me figure out what I am. If I didn't fall for you, I'd probably still be with guys, and still trying to figure out why I can't get what I need from them."

Paige considers her words.

"So." she says, calmly. "I'm cute, and helpless, and I turned you into a lesbian. Terrific."

Alex sighs.

"No." she says. "That's not all."

She turns, her eyes searching Paige's face.

"Paige, you're the only one who ever really got me. The real me. You're the only one who understood. And…something else."

She leans toward Paige, almost imperceptibly.

"Look, Paige, I really don't know where I'd be if I didn't meet you."

"Ummm...better off?" Paige laughs, bitterly. Alex shakes her head, firmly.

"No. No matter what. Even with everything that happened between us."

She takes a deep breath.

"Paige, you're the first person, the only person, who ever made me believe that...that there really was something...MORE to me. That I wasn't worthless. You're the first person that ever believed in me, that ever made me believe in myself. And that includes my family.

"And, sometimes, I resented you for it. Hell, I broke up with you for it, the first time. Paige, you're controlling, and you're self-obsessed, and sometimes you just plain suck. But, with all that, you're the one that made me think about the future. That made me believe I even had a future. I would never be where I am, never be trying to do this, never be trying to make something of myself, if it wasn't for you."

Alex leans in to Paige, her voice low and husky.

"I'm a better person because I know you, Paige."

That does it. Paige's control, her determination, leaves her in an instant. Her eyes well up. A single tear trickles down her left cheek.

"Do you...mean that?" she whispers.

Alex reaches over. Her thumb glides tenderly up the slope of Paige's cheek, gathering the tear as it goes, retracing its path, the liquid pooling against the pillow.

"Yeah." she replies, gently. "I do."

And, just like that, everything melts away. It's just the two of them again. Paige and Alex. Their eyes lock, and they commune, speaking the language of lovers. Paige knows she's never had, never will have, never could have this connection with anyone else.

Paige's face moves toward Alex's. Her hand entwines in the hair at the back of Alex's head, pulling her forward, bringing them closer. Her lips part. Overwhelmed with longing, she loses herself in the contact. The familiar pressure of Alex's lips against hers, the well-remembered taste of her mouth.

The moment bursts, a fragile soap bubble. Her eyes fly open, to see Alex staring at her, shocked, uncomprehending. Oh my God. What is she doing?

Alex pulls away, stands up, slowly, painfully, her movements exaggerated. Her eyes move to the other side of the street. She seems to shrink into herself, slightly.

Paige rises, too, clumsily, rushing, struggling. She wants to say something, anything. To take it back, this indiscretion, this thing she's done. But there is nothing to say.

"Alex," she whispers, her voice raspy. "I'm...sorry. I shouldn't have done that..."

"You…" Alex's voice falters. She clears her throat. "You should go."

It's a dismissal. It's a plea. It's what she deserves.

"Right." she says, defeated, nodding. "You're right."

And Paige knows. She knows why she needs to be nobody to Alex. Why she can't be in her life. It's because of moments like this, when Alex is vulnerable, open to her. She keeps doing this. She can't stop herself.

She looks at Alex, a moment longer, studying the lines, the contours of her face. Memorizing her. This is the last time, she thinks. The last time I will do this. The last time I do this to you.

She reaches down, finds some words. Words she should have said a long time ago.

"Alex," she says, trying to put all of her sorrow, all of her love into it. "I'm sorry. For everything. I really hope you can forgive me someday."

She feels Alex's eyes on her as she turns, walking away, down the street. Out of her life. She doesn't fight the tears anymore. She lets them fall to the pavement, an offering for the two of them. For Paige and Alex. For what they are are, for what they could be. For the hopelessness of a world where love is not enough to keep two people together.


	7. One More Time Around

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Degrassi, its affiliates, or any of its generations, future or past. Any similarities to any actual persons, living or dead, are purely the result of my lack of talent. Hi, Mom.**

**A/N: Ok. So, finally, the long-awaited (by me, at least) conclusion. Warning: high gush factor. This is the way I wish it could be, the way I wish it would've been. I love these girls, and I want them to love each other for the rest of their fictional lives. So, that's what they'll do, damn it. PAlex Forever!**

**Go ahead. Review me. I dares you.**

Paige sits at the table with Ellie and Marco, picking at her plate. The TV is on, in the background, forgotten. She doesn't really feel like eating.

She can feel her roommates casting sideways glances at her, doesn't look back. They had been laughing, joking, at first, trying to involve her. When she barely responded, they eventually quieted down to this uncomfortable silence. Now they sit, watching her. And she sits, uncaring.

She had thought that seeing Alex again would bring…something. A sense of completion. Finality. Closure. But it didn't. Just more pain, for both of them. She feels empty. A part of her wishes she'd never bothered at all. Ellie was right, they would both be better off is she just stayed out of Alex's life. Especially Alex.

She had considered telling Ellie, but knows she won't get sympathy from her. She might even get a chewing out. Not like she doesn't deserve one. Just call her Hurricane Paige. Boy, she really put her foot in it this time.

The sound of the doorbell startles all three of them. They sit, looking at each other, none of them moving. Finally, Ellie pushes her chair back, with an exaggerated sigh.

"Oh no, please, let me get it." she grumbles. "I insist."

She heads off to open the door.

"Alex." That single word, and Paige is up and out of her chair before she even realizes it.

"Hi, Ellie." Alex's voice draws her, a filing to a magnet. "Is…Paige here?"

Then she's around the corner, looking into those deep, brown eyes.

"Hi, Paige." Alex spots her, smiles shyly.

"Alex…" breathes Paige. She can't understand how this is possible.

They stand, staring at each other, barely aware of anything else, Ellie trapped uncomfortably between them.

"Alex." Paige says, finally, trying to take control. "WHAT are you DOING here?"

"Can we…talk?" Alex asks, looking at the floor.

Ellie clears her throat.

"I'll, umm…I'll give you guys some privacy." she picks her way around Paige, gingerly, and back to the table, trying to make herself inconspicuous.

Paige pushes through the door, out into the evening. She stands with her back against the wall, her eyes closed. She's trying to process all this, and so far, it's not working.

"Alex…" she says, partly just to say her name again.

"I know what you're going to say." Alex stands beside her, her own back to the wall. Paige can feel her there, can trace the outline of her body with the fingers of her mind.

"And… you're right. This is a very bad idea."

"Then," Paige is fighting to keep the quiver out of her voice. "Why did you come here?"

She can hear the smile in Alex's voice.

"Do you really need to ask me that?"

Paige nods, without opening her eyes.

"Yes. I do."

For a few seconds, all she can hear it Alex's steady breathing.

"I love you, Paige." Alex says, simply.

Paige groans.

"Alex…"

"You think I want to? My life would be so much…easier, if I could stop. I can't." Paige opens her eyes, sees her turned sideways, looking at her. "I tried. Really. I tried ignoring you. I tried hating you. It didn't work. You're like… a drug to me. I just can't seem to kick my Paige habit."

Paige stares at her. She can't let this happen. Not again.

"Alex, I…we…can't…"

She stops. Alex gives her that smile, the one she reserves only for Paige, the one that melts Paige's heart.

"Yeah, we can." she says. "We shouldn't. But we can."

"But…" Paige tries to find some way, any way, to make her understand. "I'm only going to break your heart again."

Alex nods. She's still smiling.

"I know that, too." she says. "I don't care. I'm ready for it. I love you, Paige. And if it means that you're just going to use me and throw me away again, so be it. At least I'll get to be with you for a while. That's enough."

Paige opens her mouth to say something, comes up empty. She takes a few steps toward the sidewalk. This is all her fault.

"God. Ellie was right. I should've just left you alone. I should've just stayed away from you."

"Why didn't you?" Alex asks, behind her.

"I don't know. I couldn't." she turns back, looks at her, then around again. "I just…couldn't."

Alex comes up to stand in front of her. She puts her slender hands on Paige's shoulders, leaning down into her face.

"Well," she says, softly. "I can't stay away from you, either."

Paige can't look at her. She can't get her mind past the enormity of it. Her eyes fill with tears, overflow.

"Lexi." she says, raggedly. "Don't do this to yourself. Not over me. I'm not worth it."

Alex looks back, her eyes just as wet.

"You are to me." she whispers.

Alex leans down to kiss her. Paige wants her to, so very much. It would be so easy. Just go with the moment, just slip back into it. The world of Alex and Paige, Paige and Alex.

But she can't. She can't let this happen. Not again. She turns away from the kiss, ducks under Alex's long arms.

"Alex. " she says, forcing herself not to look at her, fighting to get the words out. "I can't. I can't let you do this."

Alex waits, letting her talk.

"Alex, the last time…" she hesitates, forces herself to continue. "The last time, it wasn't just because we're different, or because you were flaking on me. It's…I…Alex, it still freaks me out how much I care about you. How much I like being with you. How much I like being with…a girl."

Alex wraps her arms around Paige's shoulders from behind. She leans into those long, lean arms, feeling Alex's breath against the side of her neck.

"Paige. I know that. It doesn't matter." she presses her cheek against Paige's hair. "You think too much. You always think too much. It's not about genders, or labels. It's about us. Just you, and me. And that's all. Nothing else means anything."

The words tug at her, pull at her. They cajole her, invite her. She wants to believe it. She wants to believe it so much.

Alex turns her around, so they are face to face.

"Paige. Look at me. " Paige obeys. "Do you love me?"

Paige averts her eyes.

"I..."

Alex's hand slides under her chin, lifts her face until they're eye to eye again.

"Do you love me, Paige?"

Paige starts to cry. She pulls away from Alex, takes a single step to the left.

"You…you're the one I always come back to. Even in my mind. You're my friend. My lover. My companion. My soulmate."

Alex watches her, waiting. Until the words fall away. Until Paige is left with nothing but her feelings. For the first time ever, she looks right at them.

"Yes." she whispers, barely audibly. "I do."

She turns, and looks directly into Alex's wide, soft, gentle eyes. She knows what she needs to say. What she wants to say. What she should have said, behind the Dot, all those months ago. What she's wanted to say for so long, maybe from the start. And, this time, she says it.

"I love you, Alex."

Alex's face streaks with new tears, tears she doesn't bother to hide.

"And I love you." she says, her voice low. She closes the gap between them. "And that is all that matters."

She opens her arms, and Paige melts into her, pressing hard against her reassuring warmth, the comfort of her. Her Alex. They hold each other, wordlessly, both crying, neither caring.

Paige can feel herself trembling. She is lost, overwhelmed by the moment.

"Alex." she whispers, her lips at Alex's ear. "I…I never thought I'd see you again. I can't believe you're here. I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you would give me another chance. You…you are just SO STRONG. Alex, I…"

"Well, you know what they say." Alex responds, her voice bubbling with laughter. "Third time's the charm."

Paige laughs, through her tears.

Is she ready for this? She's not sure. But, each time they came together in the past, they got that much closer. From enemies, to friends, to lovers, to friends, to lovers again. To enemies. And now…maybe Alex is right. Maybe third time is the charm. Maybe it takes all that pain to burn away the fear. To make you realize what you have. To make you understand.

She doesn't know. Maybe she never will. But she knows one thing. It will be different this time. She won't listen to herself so much. She won't worry about designs, plans. She will try to deserve this, this unconditional love from this hard-edged girl with the golden heart, with the gentle soul. She will not fall down. She will not go back to being Perfect Paige. She will be better. She has to be. For herself. And for Alex.

Alex pulls Paige back to arm's length. She reaches up, wiping Paige's tears off her face with her thumbs. She leans in and kisses Paige, soft and tender. Paige's hands travel the familiar, reassuring expanse of Alex's back, Alex's hands moving on hers.

They come apart.

"Hey," Alex says, bringing her back down. "What's for dinner, anyway?"

Paige smiles.

"Meat loaf."

Alex makes a face.

"Eeew. Marco didn't make it, did he?"

Paige laughs.

"Heck, no. He's not allowed in the kitchen anymore."

Alex leans down, their faces touching.

"So, you got an extra plate?"

Paige's smile widens.

"Like I'm letting you go home tonight." she says.

They turn and walk, arms around each other. Back into the apartment. Into the rest of their lives. Alex and Paige. Paige and Alex. PAlex. Forever.


End file.
